Extinguish Shame with Empathy
"Shame requires 3 things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence & judgment; in contrast, when we douse shame with empathy it can't survive. The 2 most powerful words when we're in struggle ... 'me too'. " - Brené Brown
Children who are sexually abused are usually abused alone and in secret.
They learn early to keep their perpetrator's secret because they unknowingly take on the perpetrator's shame as their own.
Their thinking is governed by how others will perceive them (dirty, promiscuous, etc.).
They fear retaliation from the perpetrator, whether through direct harm to themselves or the perpetrator threatening to hurt their loved ones if they dare to speak out.
Worse yet, children might find that nobody believes them, or they believe that they themselves caused themselves to be violated.
So begins the silence that lasts well into adulthood.
But while survivors might not speak about what happened to them with other people, it certainly isn't silent within survivors.
Survivors wrestle with loud demons in their hearts and minds that tell them stories of being useless, unworthy, unlovable...you’re just not good enough...
And then survivors of childhood sexual abuse turn the judgment on themselves...."I'm not good enough. I’m unworthy, I’m not lovable."
Extinguish Shame with Empathy
To my fellow survivors, I invite you to think about this:
If a friend told you they felt unlovable, unworthy, or not good enough, how would you respond?
I’m sure you’d have a hard time believing that was true about them. It’s always easier to see someone else’s worth than our own. It’s easier to believe someone else is lovable.
And yet, they’d probably have a hard time believing you if you said the same thing about yourself.
The truth is, we are all lovable.
Our abuse and abusers made us believe otherwise. They filled us with lies.
When we step back and look at ourselves from an outsider’s perspective, we become more objective, more compassionate, and more empathetic.
Because the reality is: We are worth it. We deserve happiness.
And we are absolutely good enough.
If you’d like to extinguish any shame you’re feeling, remove any limiting beliefs that are holding you back, and finally feel good enough about yourself, click the link below and let’s talk!
