Technology is a Stalker
Centuries, and even decades ago, moving away from people and situations and life that no longer served us meant that we most often literally lost contact with people we left behind. They used to have to travel by foot or horse or boat to get to us. Now they just create a new profile. Or in my case, contact me through others.
In the late 50s and 60s, my mother who’s an only child, was followed by her alcoholic parents (abusive father) throughout Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana as my dad moved for school and work. She told me that there were many times when she looked out her front door and saw my grandfather sleeping off a drunk in her driveway, often after hitting my grandmother.
When my dad got transferred to NYC, my mom jumped on it, telling my dad: “Take it!” She knew my grandfather hated the Damned Yankees up north and wouldn’t ever go up there. But, they still had a connection to my mom - the telephone.
When I was born in 63, she got a call that my grandmother was in the hospital and my grandfather was in jail. So she flew down to Louisiana. She didn’t feel she had a choice. Soon after, my dad got a job offer in Greece and my mother knew that was her way of really being able to get away from the strain and stress of her parents.
Today technology follows us like a stalker.
I think if my grandparents were around today, with Internet, cheaper phone service, and more extensive travel options, they would have continued to be overly involved and demanding in my mother’s life no matter where she lived. I just don’t think we’re humanly designed for constant and immediate contact, especially with people who hurt us.
I think this impacts childhood trauma survivors (and anyone at any age who has experienced an abusive relationship) at our core, leaving us continuing to feel under the control and emotional manipulation of people we deserve to be free from. We do have some tools like the block feature, but people still get through. We still get blindsided. It’s very difficult to completely have no contact these days.
Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. Through the magic of the internet, I was able to rekindle relationships with people from as long ago as 45+ years ago. The good side of it is being able to reach you, to reach friends local and across the globe.
Where I find it troublesome for me and others is that same ability in reverse – it’s contacting us when it’s not healthy for us. It keeps our survivor brain on alert and continues to force us to add a hypervigilant, protective layer to our already over taxed survivor systems.
As technology continues to affect me, I’m finding peace by utilizing my tools for clearing, resolving, letting go, and reframing each time someone or something invades. But what I really want to say here is that for so many of childhood trauma survivors, probably most of them, people in our lives seem to think that they have the right to demand attention from us, to try and force us to listen to them, to give them what they want without giving us the space or privacy we deserve.
If they can’t acknowledge our pain, if they can’t see our struggles, and especially if they don’t take personal responsibility for their actions, I just don’t feel like we should have to constantly be in a position of having to be re-introduced to stress.
The journey of Getting Past Survivor is a continuous one that we need to constantly adjust to. If there are people in your life who are harmful, I support you in in strengthening you to live as your ancestors of long ago were able to do - to choose your happiness, wherever and however you choose.
Your rules. Your choice. Use that block feature to your heart’s content!
I invite you to explore my website to learn how I can help you. And if you feel what I have to offer is something that would make an impact in your life, please contact me by filling out the form on my contact page. The journey of Getting Past Survivor isn’t travelled in isolation.
I’m here to help us all get to the other side of survivor!
Hugs to you all!
Helen
