Love Starts with Self-Trust
❤️ We all want to LOVE and be LOVED ❤️
But sometimes we find ourselves stuck in relationships that don’t feel right, don’t fit, and deep down, we know it.
Why do we stay? Maybe we think it’s the best we can get, or maybe we’re scared of losing it altogether.
But here’s the truth: love without trust becomes a painful cycle that holds us back from real connection.
Billy Joel’s song A Matter of Trust touches on this, reminding us that without trust, relationships fall apart.
While the song is about love, the truth is that this concept applies to all of our relationships—whether it’s with family, friends, coworkers, employees, or bosses. Wherever we interact with others, trust—or the lack of it—can either strengthen or strain those connections.
In every relationship, trust isn’t just about others—it has to start with self-trust. And self-trust doesn’t just show up on its own. It grows from self-knowledge, and that requires an openness to self-discovery.
Self-Trust Begins with Self-Discovery
To truly trust yourself, you have to be willing to look inward.
What patterns are you carrying into your relationships?
What fears are driving you to hold on, even when you know it’s not right?
Self-knowledge comes from being open to understanding yourself—your attachment style, your emotional triggers, your beliefs about love and worthiness. And until you have that understanding, trust in relationships will always be shaky.
Why We Hold On to Unhealthy Relationships
People hold on to unhealthy relationships for all kinds of reasons:
Some are afraid they’ll lose the only connection they have, even if it’s toxic.
Others settle, believing deep down that nothing better will come along.
They stay, clinging to whatever they can get, terrified of letting it go.
And then there are those who can’t let go out of guilt, shame, or fear of being seen as deceptive.
These emotions keep us trapped in love that was never meant to last.
How Attachment Styles Shape Relationships
A lot of these behaviors tie back to attachment styles. If you’re not familiar, attachment theory explains how early experiences with caregivers shape the way we relate to others as adults. Here are a few types to consider:
Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment trust themselves and others. They can handle intimacy without fear and form healthy, balanced relationships based on trust and communication.
Secure attachment also means being okay with letting go of relationships that aren’t right for you—or for the other person.
Secure attachment is about knowing that you deserve a relationship where both people can thrive, and sometimes letting go is the healthiest choice.
It’s understanding that not all relationships are meant to last, and that’s okay.
It’s a sign of self-trust and confidence when you can release what isn’t working without taking it personally.
Avoidant Attachment
People with avoidant attachment often keep their emotional distance. They avoid vulnerability because they fear being hurt, and as a result, they may seem to have a hard time forming deep connections. Instead of engaging fully in relationships, they tend to build walls to protect themselves.
For those with an avoidant attachment style, letting go of relationships can be easier—because they may not allow themselves to get too close in the first place.
But the challenge comes when they dismiss relationships that might actually be healthy and fulfilling, simply to avoid the risk of emotional vulnerability.
Avoidant individuals often fear being trapped or losing their independence, so they may leave before they’re left.
Breaking this pattern requires a shift toward trusting others and yourself. Avoidant attachment needs healing through self-awareness, where you learn that letting go isn’t always about control or self-preservation, but about recognizing what’s healthy for you and allowing yourself to trust that not all relationships will hurt you.
Anxious Attachment
Those with anxious attachment are driven by a fear of abandonment. They often feel insecure in relationships and constantly seek validation or reassurance. This can lead to clinginess, where they hold on too tightly, even when the relationship is clearly not serving them.
People with anxious attachment may find it extremely difficult to let go of relationships, even if they’re toxic or unfulfilling.
The fear of being alone or abandoned keeps them stuck.
They might feel that if they can just hold on long enough or give enough, the other person will stay and love them the way they need. Unfortunately, this often results in staying in situations that lead to more pain and disappointment.
To break free of this pattern, someone with anxious attachment must learn to trust themselves and their own worth, without needing constant validation from others. Letting go of relationships that aren’t right becomes an act of self-love, where you can learn that your value doesn’t depend on someone else’s willingness to stay.
Disorganized Attachment
A mix of both anxious and avoidant behaviors, disorganized attachment leads to chaotic and unpredictable relationships. People with this attachment style often want closeness, but fear it at the same time. They may push and pull in relationships, creating a confusing dynamic for both partners.
For individuals with disorganized attachment, letting go can feel like a constant internal battle. They may desire connection, but their fear of being hurt or abandoned makes it hard to trust anyone.
They might cling to a relationship out of fear one moment, then push the person away the next, feeling overwhelmed by vulnerability.
The key to healing for someone with disorganized attachment is to build a sense of safety within themselves. Learning that it’s okay to let go of relationships that cause confusion or pain is part of developing a more secure attachment style. It’s about realizing that you deserve to feel safe and secure in your connections, and that it’s okay to walk away from relationships that make you feel unstable.
Understanding the Roots of Attachment Styles
These attachment styles often stem from early life experiences.
If you grew up with inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregivers, you may have learned to either avoid intimacy or cling to it for security.
If you had poor relationship models growing up, you might not even know what a healthy relationship looks like.
This confusion makes it hard to trust your instincts, and when that trust isn’t there, it’s easy to hold on to bad relationships out of fear.
The Power of Self-Trust and Change
But here’s the thing—just because you’ve operated in these patterns doesn’t mean you have to stay in them.
Change begins with self-trust, and self-trust comes from knowing yourself deeply and honestly. It’s about recognizing the patterns that no longer serve you and being open to the possibility of something better.
When you trust yourself, you stop settling for less. You stop clinging to relationships out of fear.
You begin to believe that you deserve love, and that all of your relationships should be rooted in trust and mutual respect.
And when you build that trust with yourself first, you can create connections that reflect it.
Trust Starts Within
Trust starts within. You have the power to change the way you relate to others by first learning how to relate to yourself—with honesty, kindness, and the courage to discover who you really are.
Ready to build self-trust and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships?
Click the link below to schedule a strategy call and take the first step toward transforming the way you connect with yourself and others.
